I am Quiet

I am quiet, and I have been that way all my life. What does this mean for my communication?

In this blog post, I share my journey with communication and the role of emotional development along the way. I share my experiences, perspectives, and a book that has made a strong impression.

I am an engineer and product marketer. I started my career in technology product development. However, as my career evolved, I figured my most fun was in front of customers.

I remember traveling with sales team members, explaining product features and integration requirements to prospects. It put me in my element, and I got encouraging feedback from many friends and colleagues. I realized I love developing and articulating ideas and distilling insights.

I appreciate conversations in smaller groups, where ideas emerge and develop. I also enjoy and create friendships one-on-one or in smaller groups.

I used to loathe going to parties. They were boring, and for a very long time, they also gave me a little anxiety. I enjoy them now; I learned to pick up and enjoy conversations with individuals over time. Even at parties, most conversations happen in smaller circles.

I have been a toastmaster for 20+ years. I enjoy the creative process of creating a perspective on an idea, a book, a movie, a current event, or an experience. Over the years, it encouraged or guided me to probe the thoughts close to my heart and how I express them. Since I find that creative process so nurturing, I have continued doing Toastmasters for many years.

I enjoy developing ideas with clarity in my mind and then recreating those in my listeners’ and readers’ minds.

One thing that changed me in priceless ways is developing humor when I present. It took me a while; over time, I developed trust to be vulnerable and even have self-deprecating humor. The experience and journey have made me lighter, humbler, more comfortable under my skin, more confident, and happier. The impromptu speaking with table topics at Toastmasters has lightened me up, developing my mental muscle to get in the flow of moments more naturally. My neuroplasticity has terrific ways to equip and empower me once I am willing to focus on any emotional skill. Another empowering intangible for me from this is enjoying storytelling. The creative process with the narration – visualizing the storyline, developing zoom-in moments, cultivating a vantage point to see and feel a situation, a relationship, an experience, or a challenge – is so much fun and fulfilling.

I enjoy coaching youth in public speaking, communication, and leadership. I am deeply grateful to be able to engage in something so creative. It is quite a journey working with youth. Teenagers bring energy, refreshing lightness, boundless imagination, and fun with all they do.

One book along the way made a big difference and a lasting imprint on me.

Insight from a Book

I think it was about ten years ago when I picked up Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. In some parts of the book, it seemed she was talking on my behalf. I felt so connected and riveted to the book.

I think the reason is that I am primarily an introvert. Not that I was unaware of being an introvert before reading the book, but somehow, it made me feel validated. Somewhere in my teen years, early twenties, and even thirties, I sometimes felt pressure to go out, make many friends, and be a smooth talker. You can be very impressionable in your youth, and my thinking pattern was that something was maybe wrong with me when I didn’t do that. It didn’t feel right.

The book’s nugget is that being an introvert or an extrovert depends on your temperament. It is my brain’s biochemistry or neurology—just how the wiring in my brain works genetically. Some people enjoy creativity in quiet spaces more, and others get in their element when interacting socially. A person could be anywhere on that continuum between introverts and extroverts. While I tend to identify as an introvert, I may be on a sliding scale between the two ends.

Being an introvert can be a blessing for creativity, patience, and an innate capability to step back and discern the bigger picture. The quiet space around them can help cultivate empathy and emotional intelligence much faster.

The book connected with and talked to the teenager in me. I felt validated, affirmed, encouraged, and inspired by it. While I have grown and emotionally developed my communication, leadership, and speaking skills, that connection from the book eventually made me feel at home. How priceless!

If you are an extrovert, that is awesome. If you are an introvert, that is awesome, too —so long as you stay true to your natural temperament. Also, again, you could and probably are an ambivert—somewhere on that sliding scale between the two extremities. Depending upon the situation and time, your position probably would move on that scale as well. There is no need to label individuals or put them “in a bucket.”

While coaching youth, one of my key objectives is encouraging and anchoring them to be comfortable in their natural self. The earlier you get it, the more productive, happier, smoother, and more harmonious it will be. You can stay true to your natural temperament and predisposition and still learn how to communicate, lead, present in front of a group, plan & run events, and develop emotional skills for teamwork. It starts with a constructive dialogue with yourself that can validate you and affirm your unique perspective to see and interpret all that you experience as an individual – especially in the teenage years. I wish I had figured this out earlier in my life; knowing what I know and read and hear now, I am not the only one in that boat. It is probably a part of the growing process that everyone goes through. The journey of nurturing that space with youth imbues me with vibrant energy and pure joy; it gives me so much.

I enjoy being a facilitator, setting the turf with attention to detail, engaging in conversations with others to coordinate, and setting up the plan to organize and run “the show.” The three parts to it – discerning and articulating the overall picture, visualizing and thinking through the flow, and taking care of individuals answering specific questions and concerns – put me in my natural element to communicate and lead.

I enjoy speaking, working with customers, developing and explaining ideas, navigating relationships, embracing ever-evolving group dynamics, making friendships, and coaching youth. Does that mean the weather changes as soon as I enter a party? I don’t think so, nor do I care.

I am quiet. I am happy about it. How grateful I am for the blessings in my life!